Xbox

XBOXING WHEN USELESS   

I recently purchased an Xbox 360 which is something I've wanted to do for ages! (I know, I know...a bit slow on the uptake loser). I've never been very good at gaming, despite trying pretty hard (some sad sad times in my life). However, with a few months holidays on my hands I thought I could up my MAD SKILLZ til I was good enough to play with skillfully skilled friends. But I mainly wanted to invest my time into something that I enjoyed doing away from everyone else. Here are some of my recommendations for monkeys who are useless at playing games.

WATCH OUT I'M AN ASSASSIN

This is the sixth game that I've purchased and it's heaps of fun! I bought the first one despite a lot of people saying the second and third are much better. I find as a useless monkey, buying the first editions of adventure or RPGs give me a fighting chance to learn how to fight and survive and get a grip on the story line. It's themes are reasonably subtle but I could imagine a lot of younger people taking on some of the ideas expressed within the game in real life (punishing evil with evil, brotherhoods, anarchists etc), so avoid brainwashing if you can help it! Serving out justice by means of violence is a NO NO kids!
To people who have reasonably average gaming skills, this game is very easy BUT DON'T BE DISCOURAGED! I did find some things tricky to figure out and did die more than a few times, but I've been sticking at it and quite enjoy going on stabbing missions and taking on the identity of an arrogant american member of the brotherhood who likes to disobey the brotherhood's code of assassination! The game gives you missions and isn't all violence and non stop shedding of blood which I appreciate. You are given a variation of missions and I absolutely love climbing up walls, mountains, gates, houses etc. The graphics are pretty good too and the middle eastern location is a nice change! You can ride a horse at some stages which alone makes the game awesome :)

ESCAPE REALITY WITH A BIT OF ROLE PLAY

Fable III was the first game that I purchased after reading up about the most easy and fun role play games that were on the market. As a first game it's fantastic! I like RPGs more than anything, because it gives you a chance to create your own environment and make your own decisions without too much blood and gore. The game finishes much too quickly and I can't wait to hook up my xbox to xbox live so I can do missions with other people! I spent a few days straight (with sleep of course) playing this, getting a wife, having children and accumulating wealth and status. There's a huge variation of missions and activities to complete throughout the game and you can choose to be a moral person or a less merciful person which is cool. Most serious gamers will tell you that it's boring and it will only be boring if you a more inclined towards shooting, stabbing and throttling people. I tried to play with someone else but all their character was allowed to do was shadow me and do whatever I did with no added effect (YAWN).

GIRLS CAN DO IT TOO

I was about to buy dragon age when my sister convinced me to get this. I'm yet to play dragon age so I'm unsure as to whether I made a regretful mistake (dramatic language). I very much enjoy the graphics of this game and the anime style characters (the girls are very thin and very attractive and wear awesome outfits which is by no means relevant to any kind of reality you stupid stupid boys). I love playing a female character but she's a bit of a sook which takes the WOMAN POWER edge off a bit! I like aspects of the game which includes the fighting, which is not too difficult or too fast, and the fact that you get a score out of five stars after every battle encounter (this helps me gauge my uselessness which is apparently not that useless). The game is a bit too controlling for my liking and does not allow you to roam freely, but stops and starts with new instructions and film style clips of the story line ALL DE TIME. I haven't put too much time into this game (several hours) so might find it more enjoyable as I go along. I've gotten to the point where I'm able to move between different portals which might be interesting but I'm kind of sick of being forced to fight robots and monsters SIGH. 

QUICK GET THE KIDS OVER

So this one (Viva Pinata: Party Animals) is a Mario Party style multiplayer game, with a maximum option of four players. This is fantastic to play with friends or kids, with a massive range of mini games included in each competition. Every time I have played there has been a completely different set of mini games in the competition. You can put it on easy or hard which is awesome. The mini games are really creative and allow for people to excel in certain skills more than others, which balances out the competitors. The song is fair catchy too haha! It's a really cheap game to find (EB sells it for like $10) so is totally worth having on the shelf for babysitting time or sleepovers with equally useless gamer monkeys as you!

ESCAPE PRISON AND BECOME A MASTER OF THE BLADE OR MAGIC OR BEING STEALTHY OR WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT REALLY

I'm a little undecided about this one (Oblivion: Elder Scrolls IV) and am not sure if I should have gone with an earlier edition of the game or if I should have just bought Skyrim. However, I still recommend it for those who like a mix of killing, wielding swords and magic and running around completing other missions. The start of the game is rather gloomy and there's a lot of rat killing underground but DON'T WORRY, you get out soon enough so don't quit! There's quite a few elements to the game which includes a rather large menu box with weapons, skills, accumulated stuff and what not. You get to develop your own character and choose his/her set of skills. You can major in physical combat, magic or a load of other things. It's good to Google before you choose to find out the best skills to choose in order to help you survive (well in my case anyway). I haven't got heaps far so I'm yet to decide whether I like it or not. I do like the fact that I'm not constantly told what to do or stopped by elaborate animated mini movies about my past memories of evil overtaking the land (reference to final fantasy!)

I've bought a few other games but nothing that I've been too impressed with. The end