3rd Year Blewz
Lately I've been wandering a bit aimlessly through the weekdays, wondering where my motivation has gone. After five months of holidays (that's not a typo haha) and only studying one unit online, I was happy enough to get back to studying the one thing I know I can do really well...teaching. After a truly life changing experience in terms of teaching when I did rounds (or the posh word for it: practicum...but let's be honest...I'm not posh) last year, I felt more motivated than ever to write those seven page essays where I go WAY over the word count, teaching reports with never ending appendices and do the readings to 100% prepare myself for my career in which there will be endless challenges and overflowing reward that cannot ever be measured. My passion for teaching kids of all backgrounds and cultures was sparked by my experience and I knew more than ever that becoming a teacher was not only the career I wanted but an unrelenting passion of mine. I started volunteering on a regular basis and loved connecting with kids who, sometimes with a lot of work, reciprocated by wanting to connect with me. I really don't think teachers get enough credit for the hours they put into their jobs...working does not finish at 3:30pm when the bell rings. No, it continues on past school hours, past Fridays and way past terms ending. Those who really care for their students NEED to put in hours they are never paid in, effort they will never be acknowledged for and will teach the most valuable lessons that cannot be assessed on a student's test.
So with this new found passion, why do I come to my third year of studies and find it a pain and an achinggg burden to open a word document and start an assignment??? Most people probably would laugh at this comment, as I am well aware that a lot of people understandably find it hard to find the motivation to start any assignment in which thinking is involved. BUT if you only saw me in my first year - sprawled out on the floor in the lounge room with notes from every lecture and tutorial, text books with sticky notes marking the important parts and Google search engine (or, as some much older friends of mine like to call it: the Googles) ready and raring - JUST for an online test worth 10% (I think this may have been the moment when my sister decided I was crackers....), then you would understand that self motivation and Deborah Ruth Greene are one and the same. Well, Usually....
However, I am currently hating assignments, resenting having to go to class and questioning my ability to secure a job. I started to theorize: I have too much time on my hands, I must be lazy after all, I don't enjoy my part time job, I haven't taught a whole class for too many months...and after getting a high distinction back as the first piece of feedback received this year for my units...for the first time in my life I felt like a smart person who didn't need to try that hard any more (this is a trap, do not embrace this feeling children). I have never had this feeling in my life!
However, I am currently hating assignments, resenting having to go to class and questioning my ability to secure a job. I started to theorize: I have too much time on my hands, I must be lazy after all, I don't enjoy my part time job, I haven't taught a whole class for too many months...and after getting a high distinction back as the first piece of feedback received this year for my units...for the first time in my life I felt like a smart person who didn't need to try that hard any more (this is a trap, do not embrace this feeling children). I have never had this feeling in my life!
[It still drives me crazzzy that a bachelor of teaching can not be passed with "honors," but one can only be offered to study for an extra amount of time to get a masters of teaching....which doesn't do much anyway....so whatever marks I get are pretty much irrelevant as academic transcripts and are rarely looked at when going for a job (It's how good you are at teaching, not being smart). So why do I try so hard to get distinctions and high distinctions if no one will care? But I'm getting off track!!]
My flights are booked for three weeks of teaching rounds in Vanuatu in June and I'm feeling tentative, nervous and worried that I'll get on the wrong plane, my accommodation won't be booked or English being the third language spoken will render me incapable of effectively communicating with students and teachers. What da heck is wrong with me!!! Why am I not ECSTATIC!? Where is my spirit of independence??
Then I had a conversation...one of those conversations where the overused LIGHT BULB MOMENT metaphor comes into the story: somewhere between talking about a science lesson my uni friend and I just taught and how many weeks of uni we have left, he dropped the phrase "Third year Blues" which, according to popular opinion, is being felt by a lot more people than just myself. On the four year stretch to becoming a fully fledged teacher of small creatures, otherwise known as children, the third year is known to be the hardest. This isn't necessarily because the work dramatically becomes more difficult or lecturer expectations become greater, but the realization that you are only half-way there and only getting 20 days of proper teaching in a year is enough to drive a keen-as-mustard pre-service teacher to madness. This "blues" takes on the snowball effect and I become generally discontent and unmotivated to achieve just for the sake of making myself proud. I veer off the almost perfect path I was walking on to try and call contentment back and I chased the feeling of being too busy to stop so my life would be too full of people to consider the REAL source of my blues. It's very easy for a someone with a little whirlwind for a head to over think things out of sheer boredom and frustration in third year and start to doubt myself and waste my time mastering achievements on the xbox and writing pointless blogs!! Even my own mother wanted to take a year off when she got to her third year but the point to her story is she didn't...she pressed on, graduated and loved every minute of her working life in the social work industry.
Life, however is a blessing in that we are the masters of our destiny and at any moment in time we can decide right then and there to change our thinking process, rebirth our attitudes and reform our philosophies of life.
My flights are booked for three weeks of teaching rounds in Vanuatu in June and I'm feeling tentative, nervous and worried that I'll get on the wrong plane, my accommodation won't be booked or English being the third language spoken will render me incapable of effectively communicating with students and teachers. What da heck is wrong with me!!! Why am I not ECSTATIC!? Where is my spirit of independence??
Then I had a conversation...one of those conversations where the overused LIGHT BULB MOMENT metaphor comes into the story: somewhere between talking about a science lesson my uni friend and I just taught and how many weeks of uni we have left, he dropped the phrase "Third year Blues" which, according to popular opinion, is being felt by a lot more people than just myself. On the four year stretch to becoming a fully fledged teacher of small creatures, otherwise known as children, the third year is known to be the hardest. This isn't necessarily because the work dramatically becomes more difficult or lecturer expectations become greater, but the realization that you are only half-way there and only getting 20 days of proper teaching in a year is enough to drive a keen-as-mustard pre-service teacher to madness. This "blues" takes on the snowball effect and I become generally discontent and unmotivated to achieve just for the sake of making myself proud. I veer off the almost perfect path I was walking on to try and call contentment back and I chased the feeling of being too busy to stop so my life would be too full of people to consider the REAL source of my blues. It's very easy for a someone with a little whirlwind for a head to over think things out of sheer boredom and frustration in third year and start to doubt myself and waste my time mastering achievements on the xbox and writing pointless blogs!! Even my own mother wanted to take a year off when she got to her third year but the point to her story is she didn't...she pressed on, graduated and loved every minute of her working life in the social work industry.
Life, however is a blessing in that we are the masters of our destiny and at any moment in time we can decide right then and there to change our thinking process, rebirth our attitudes and reform our philosophies of life.
So what do I do??? Change my thinking.
I am not going to deny that I am feeling the Third Year Blues big time... But I'm not going to slow-dance with this feeling, I'm not going to embrace it and I'm not gonna let it take hold of me.
I can only be the best version of myself I can be and although at times it kills me that this person is often not the person everyone wants to best friends with, trying to fit the mould is to high a price to pay for acceptance. I'm a Christian girl who loves God, gets way too grumpy without sleep, stresses about going overseas and possibly never returning (I think my poor mother may share my stress in this last one as a result of my fantastically non existent navigational skills), like any girl I always want to lose more weight and wish my face was someone else's. But people can get over trying to up the likelihood of these things ever changing and find a new friend if I they can't love me this way. I need not question myself. Although, I am trying to work on the grumpy thing for the benefit of all of those involved!!
I am not going to deny that I am feeling the Third Year Blues big time... But I'm not going to slow-dance with this feeling, I'm not going to embrace it and I'm not gonna let it take hold of me.
I can only be the best version of myself I can be and although at times it kills me that this person is often not the person everyone wants to best friends with, trying to fit the mould is to high a price to pay for acceptance. I'm a Christian girl who loves God, gets way too grumpy without sleep, stresses about going overseas and possibly never returning (I think my poor mother may share my stress in this last one as a result of my fantastically non existent navigational skills), like any girl I always want to lose more weight and wish my face was someone else's. But people can get over trying to up the likelihood of these things ever changing and find a new friend if I they can't love me this way. I need not question myself. Although, I am trying to work on the grumpy thing for the benefit of all of those involved!!
