incondite letters to self

2011-11-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

What does it matter how we feel and how hard it is to resist temptation when people are going to Hell everyday. It is my responsibility to do everything I can to fulfil the calling God has placed upon my life, through His strenght. You say there is no God, but when you lose your loved ones you coap by saying you'll see them in Heaven. You say the intracacies of science and the absolute fluency of nature came about through nothing. You question a God because He does not fulfil your concept of love and justice. Love and justice involves letting people do what they want to do without force, even if that means allowing people to destroy each other for a time, with sin plaguing the world with death, desease and hate. This is not forever, there is a plan. Who are you to question? You're one spec on this earth shaking your fist in the air, pridefully yelling your views into the sky of how a world would actually exist with a God. Just because you refuse to acknowledge God and His Word, does not mean you will live without accountability. Ignorance brings the same outcome as willful rejection. We are not brought into this world with inexplicable complications of an emotional degree, go through millions of experiences and develop our character and feel love and desire to live for as long as possible, to be snuffed out by death and turned into dust and for everything to end as if it never existed.
I cannot believe how much time I've wasted trying to find fulfilment in anything else but in God's arms. He is my protection and my provision, and I am on this earth to try and make people aware of the real kind of love God has for all people.

August 2011

2011-08-17T02:57:00.000-07:00

Guys are stupid

2011-04-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

THINGS I HATE TODAY:
- Cold Warrnambool days
- Clothes that don't fit
- Failed cooking attempts
- Boyfriends who give up after 2 years
- Split ends
- Dobbing sisters
- Expensive flowers
-Spoilt children
- Lonely days
- Lousy friends
- Being hungry
- Long weekdays
- Never having family parties
- Short fuses
- The overuse of the word "love"
- Short seasons of the Hills
- People hating Justin Bieber for unsubstantiated reasons
- Scratching cats
- Four year uni course
- Ringing phones
- No tomatoes in the house
- People who think family excludes sisters, fathers, brothers and sister-in-laws
Sincerely,
DEB

2010-05-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

How much can we accommodate for others?
To what point do I stop and stand as myself, regardless of what you say? Where is the line between an attitude of arrogance/stubbornness and weakness/ crowd-pleasing? I truly don't know. Being judged is inevitable, but our own selfishness and pride is also. You're a fool if you walk around saying “stuff the world around me, I'm me, deal with it.” You're naive if you think everyone likes you, living each day trying to please. Trying to change habits to make yourself more tolerable may be a good plan theoretically, but it leaves an emptiness, wanting something more. I know I do.
To come to a point of acknowledgment of the incredibly visible weaknesses and flaws we have is a good step towards a realistic approach to life, which in my opinion is a very important angle to be able to come from, but what to do from this point? Humans are meant to thrive on growth, increasing in knowledge and thus (hopefully) wisdom through experience. But if you don't like yourself, or rather an aspect/aspects of, it's impossible to ignore. (And if there's nothing you think you need to improve on...then I guess you're either a robot or don't have the same problem as me haha). I really do wish I could do the whole “I don't care coz I'm pretty epic whilst still being a little mysterious, dark and intriguing at the same time,” Sadly, I don't think the clothes fit.
I am very close to finishing the very first, in a sense, chapter of my life and about to embark on a new world of adulthood and freedom. I've decided that to me, it is vitally important to enter into this new adventure with a confidence in who I am, where I stand in the world and what I want from life. I'm not the kind that is happy to sway with the wind, to cruise with whoever I'm with and do what everyone else does. I don't live each day for the sake of others, and whilst the future is mine, the past has already sailed. I don't wish to waste time, make fake friends or repeat the same mistakes. I'm sick of saying sorry for what was then, the weight of guilt is too much. We wake up in the present, and create for the future. I currently intend to strive to be the best I can be and I'll let you know how that goes.

Kitkat

2010-01-29T23:35:00.001-08:00

Gah. I'm not the sooky type...It sounds so weird, but I would have never guessed just how devastating it is to lose your cat. My little kitkat of 4 years and three months got very sick all of a sudden and was in a huge amount of pain. The next morning he was taken to the hospital, diagnosed with a dangerous case of, to put it simply, a blocked bladder. Within the same day, his heart stopped and was unable to be revived after c.p.r and a shot of adrenaline to the heart. I miss him heapsly.

COMPOSURE

2009-12-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

COMPOSURE: Calmness of mind or matter, self-possession.

Keeping my composure is one of the hardest things to do. It's a bit of a revelation really, that so many situations, arguements, frustrations, hurts and past wounds can be so easily dealt with by keeping your composure and stopping to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of life and asking:
Is this important and will this impact on my long term future?

When decisions are made, no matter how much fear we have for what the future may hold and whether we might possibly regret that decision, make a final decision and commit. Promise yourself to keep your composure no matter how tough things get. The past is in the past for a reason.

I made this promise to a friend recently:

COMPOSURE (August Burns Red)

Shake it off.
Pick yourself up, they say.
Your life fell apart in your hands, and you've got the scars to prove it.
It's not the first time, and they're getting deeper.
Pull it together.
Button up your shirt.
Roll down those sleeves.
Don't let them see how you've coped.
More and more your demeanor looks like quicksand.
It seems like your giving up on everything you worked for.
It's pulling you under.
It's gripping around your throat.
Life can be overwhelming, but don't turn your back on the strongest crutch you've ever had.
They have always been there to brace your fall.
Wave goodbye to the past.
You've got your whole life to lead.
It's time to gain some ground.

spark up the flame

2009-08-17T02:16:00.000-07:00

WELL it's into August and bothering to blog is a big task for meeee! There are WAY too many things to write about, I wish life were more simple really.

I could rant and rave about my anger when Dad snapped my metal c.ds or talk about the frustration I feel knowing that there are way too many people that I have broken relationships with, old best friends that I can never reconnect with, people who simple "hate" me because...well....that's hard to decipher.

I could have a massive spiel about the difficulties in choice making that I am currently having and I could discuss how scared I am to step forward at the moment, that I'd rather stay where I am than take a risk and possibly get hurt or make a mistake.

I could try and put into words the personal difficulty in making a commitment to God that needs no excuse other than my failure to stand up and give up things that I'm too selfish to let go of.
I could write about friendship issues or family frustrations.

But life's a blessing, no matter what they say.
I'm blessed no matter how I feel.

Live life, be GNARLYYYY, take a step forward and hope to never look back.
I've got to reignite my passion for life, because somewhere along the track it died.
I'm me, mistakes and all.
Let go, take a step to see the bigger picture and see that the small things don't matter.

Thought- provoking

2009-07-17T04:08:00.000-07:00

" 'Here, then,' she jotted in a notebook, 'is a little summary of what I need- power, wealth, and freedom. It is the hopelessly insipid doctrine that love is the only thing in the world, taught, hammered into women from generation to generation which hampers us so cruelly. We must get rid of that bogey.' " Katherine Mansfield

'Why is it we so love the strong emotions? I think because they give us such a keen sense of Life- a violent belief in our Existence. One thing I cannot bear and that is the mediocre- I like always to have a great grip of Life, so that I intensify that so-called small things- so that truly everything is significant.' Ali Smith

Statements and concepts I only partly agree with. Inspirational however, provoked a lot of thought.

Beauty is only skin deep

2009-06-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

I find myself constantly frustrated by the standards of my generation, who constantly judge upon beauty and appearance. It seems to be the only thing that matters. When we meet someone, judgment inevitably comes, but it is always based on the outward features, as opposed to the way we express ourselves. No matter how ditsy, withdrawn, freaky or WHATEVER, if that person's appearance is pleasing to the eye, they generally have instant friends and interest seems to be intrigued based on what the person looks like. How can that be normal?? I find that sooo twisted!! (for want of a better word)
It doesn't matter how great a personality someone holds within them, if you don't have the looks, you may as well not bother. Sure, some friends don't care, but they seem to like you a whole lot more if your not too bad haha, sad.
Or look at it from the other side of the fence, someone who is good looking doesn't need to have a good personality to attract that initial response from the people they meet around them.
It's not "I find your personality attractive" it's "gee, your hot."
I can't wait to get to the age where it doesn't matter so much whose the hottest, but when it really matters how awesome someone is to talk to and be with because of the way they carry themselves and converse with others, how they're there for you through thick and thin. Introverted or extroverted, silly or witty, sarcastic or straight up...despite their circumstances, they are a good specimen of a person in personality and character.